What if the way through a body image crisis was not to fix it, but to move it?
I have been thinking a lot lately about the way I used to process the moments after seeing a photograph of myself, catching my reflection by surprise in the mirror, or trying on pants that were definitively tighter than the last time I wore them.
There was always a flood. A surge of adrenaline that I interpreted as injustice, fear, rage, self-loathing.
That surge was unbearable – it felt like a curtain had been pulled aside and I was finally seeing myself for what I really was. It was a moment of reckoning, like I had no choice now but to see myself and shame myself into change (or self-abandon entirely, because what was the point? I was already trying so hard).
I now see these surges differently. Instead of seeing them as the reality behind the curtain, I see it the other way around – it is a moment of blurring, of pulling a curtain in front of my eyes so that I can’t see clearly. It is an emotional energy that interrupts my ability to use ALL of my brain, especially the parts of it that house self-compassion and rational thought. Instead, it is the tunnel-vision panic of fight or flight.
There is nothing to fix here, but rather a state to be calmed.
When I experience this surge now (in response to anything – my kids getting sick, alarming news headlines, someone flipping me off on the highway and feeling like I’ve done something wrong), I remember that the surge is not revealing anything about me. It is simply an indication that I’ve entered a more primal state in my brain and it has not felt safe enough to calm down.
In these moments, what can you do?
It starts by asking your body what it WANTS to do with that energy – does it want to move and aggressively shake it out? Does it want to squeeze something until your muscles give out? Does it want to punch the air, scream into a pillow, sing at the top of your lungs? Does it want to be soothed and calmed with self-touch, or hugged and squeezed with arms across your chest, or connect with the heartbeat of someone you love and trust?
When the body is allowed to move that energy/adrenaline through, it doesn’t resort to imploding inside of you with nowhere to go but self-deprecation and chronic pain (literal or otherwise).
Try this out and see if it feels different.
We have more options than we’ve been taught.
